Today we're going to the service -- it's just going to be family. I never felt that we lived so far away really before this week, but it is a 4 hour drive (or a little over 3 if the traffic is good).

I am not sure what I will say, but I know it won't matter. I know many people don't believe in paranormal things, but I have had things happen to me, and I really want to be sure that my mom is not haunting me.

See, she would, I know. For my own good. If she could.

She was one of those people who had to make sure everyone was happy before she would see to herself. I don't want her to think that now. We're sad, so sad she is gone, but we are going to be able to take care of ourselves. Hopefully.

My dad... I don't know if he wants to take care of himself, but I hope he will.

Hugs to you all and all of your families.

A little over 40 minutes ago my mother passed away.

I told her I loved her, and I told her it was okay to go.

I am glad she is not in any pain any more, but why do I feel so terrible? I am so selfish, I miss her so much.

I feel like I am 5 again, and left on my own. I am scared.

Hey there.

It's been a while, I know. I am sorry. My life has been, well, crap. And I have had ongoing bouts with depression that deepened in the last year with the deaths of two of my cats, got better for a bit and then really dropped at the end of the year. All I can say, is thank god for antidepressants.

November was okay. GConnor and I got remarried on a pirate ship in Las Vegas, and were able to share it with friends and that made it very special. Hugs to everyone that could make it; I am so very glad you did.

Wolfgang Puck's was (IS!) an awesome restaurant.

And then in december, my mother nearly died three times. The last time was really really close.

And then my father had to have emergency surgery the monday after christmas to have a pace maker put it; his heart was beating less than 29 beats a minute. That really threw me. My dad, who never gets sick, nearly died.

My mom again was so sick in january, and then again just a few days ago. She keeps fighting though, so I have hope.

My brother's divorce went through. So sad.

My sister... well.

Sophie is hanging in there. She's getting a steroid to help with her arthritis so she can use the litter box easier, but it scares me that she hides in the closet so much.

Bun, da godfather, got pwnt by Tyler, who now does to him what Harley did to Simon. (Lays on him.).

Gonna try and read through some of my friend's list to get caught up with everyone. I have been so out of it for ages.

I really like this song, and the guy singing it. And the video is cool too!

It's Sam Roberts, and the title is "Them Kids"
( Read more... )

These are straight screenshots from the Outlands on World of Warcraft. I was entranced by the color and depth! 1024 x 768 jpgs. Quite suitable for desktop backgrounds and whatnot.

Please take them if you like, and if they are inspiration for something you write or create, let me know!


Planets and gold ring: Here.

Planet with teensy sun and wispy clouds:Here.

Gold wispy ring:Here.

Nagrand in the afternoon:Here.

(Crossposted from my fangirl journal for the few folks who don't read there. Sorries for the doubling up on those who do!)

He's a cutie... watch out, you'll lose your heart.

Tyler

The hospital allowed my mom to come home, but she's probably going to have to go in this coming week. They are monitoring her so closely. I am glad. I know I can't do anything about it but this sort of helps.

Also, while we were there, we brought home a newcomer.

Yes, I have a kitten. He's a grey-brown tabby like Harley was, but he has white toes on his front feet and socks to his ankles on his back. My mom begged me to take him because my dad won't let her keep him (she is really too sick for that) and, well, if we didn't, he was going to go to the humane shelter. So he came home with us.

He was apparently abandoned near (or in) my parents yard, and seems to be a well-socialized little guy. we have him in the guest/office room for now, and I have to admit to feeling bad leaving him alone in there, but...

Sophie is NOT a happy camper about this and I fear for the little one's safety if they happen to meet before they can become better socialized with each other.

Bun already ran in this morning and smacked the little guy, so --well. It always goes like this. Rocky at first...

He doesn't have a name yet -- Any ideas? I'd prefer a name that's human-ish-- No "socks" or 'twinkle' if that makes sense. 

Some that I have considered:
*Reizo (Reh-zoh)
Qiao (Chee-ow)
Ning
Cale
Goraidh (go-RAY)
*Tyler
Barram
Kavan
*Wynn
Alain
*Beau

*I like those a smidge more.

Thoughts? 

I woke up weeping this morning.  Again. I dreamt of Simon. He wasn't doing anything, just sitting down --but when I woke up, I realized that he is gone, and isn't ever coming back. Seems like this happens about three times a week, really, with him and then Harley. 

Most of the time -- I think my mind tricks me, and I half think they are just out of the room. 

 
My mother is in the hospital. This is in so many ways not good. I just keep thinking that she's going to pull out of it because she has so many times before, but... this could really be it. 

My father cried last night. I think that I have only ever seen him cry once before, and that was when she was diagnosed with cancer when I was 9.

We're going to go to Santa Rosa tomorrow, and see her.  I hope they'll be able to help her in the hospital, though I know she doesn't want to go on the porta-catheter for her chest (for intravenous feeding) but I am really not sure how else she's going to live, and despite all of my issues witth her, I really do want that. 

I know I have asked for this before -- if you have good vibes, thoughts, prayers... please send them to my mom. Her name is Kathy.

I have finally decided to split my personal journal off from my fannish stuff. We'll see how it goes.

If you are on my other journal, miche_connor go ahead and unfriend me if you like -- or if you're not interested in those fangirl things.

Though, do stay if you are! I do have fanfic percolating over there.